• What’s Wrong With Them?

    There is one question that I hear often, a lot. Okay, not just a lot, a ton. The question is… “What’s wrong with them?” This is asked repeatedly, in conversations all across America. It’s asked over coffee, at work, over dinner. Out for a run? You hear, “What’s wrong with them?” In yoga class, “What’s wrong with them?” At the dog park, “What’s wrong with them?”

    Men, let me let you in on a little secret. We’re talking about you! Basically, the entire female population is conversing about you. And what we’re saying is not pretty. Specifically, we’re talking about middle-aged men.

    I was married for twenty years and have been divorced for five. I’ve had my share of dates. Am I an expert? No. But this is not just me talking, it’s all of us. I’m being brutally honest. Here it goes – I may never have another date again, but I’m sacrificing for the greater good.

    Top 5 reasons why women are inquiring… “What’s wrong with them?”

    • On your first date – pick up the freakin’ check! Whether it’s dinner, a drink, a cup of coffee – pick it up. Don’t hesitate, be generous. Even when we offer, don’t take us up on it – not on the first date. It’s a test – haven’t you figured that out yet? You’re a 55-years-old man, for god’s sake! If you let us pay, you are forever labeled a cheapskate by your date and by her ten best friends she tells.
    • Be honest. After a first date, don’t say you will call when you have no intention of calling. Chances are, we don’t want you to call anyway, so there’s absolutely no reason to give us a line. Say, “It was nice meeting you” and leave it at that. You are not breaking our hearts, really.
    • Stop being so full of yourself. What’s with the 22 pics posted on your dating site page? Five is plenty. We don’t need to see your 6 hairy chest pics, your 5 tank top gym pics, the sky diving, bungee jumping, hang gliding, hiking Mount Everest pics at every mile and angle. We get it, you’re awesome.
    • It’s not all about you! Yes men, you are fascinating beings, with so many interests. We can’t get enough of your shiny cars, cool motorcycles, those big fat fish that you love to catch while on those fancy boats of yours. We enjoy hearing about your adventures, but don’t go on for hours! Those yawns you see? We’re not just tired from a hard day’s work, we’re bored out of our minds. Humor us – throw us a question occasionally – we speak too.
    • You’re not as hot as you think you are. I have found that woman underestimate their beauty and men, you look in the mirror and see George Clooney every time. What’s with that? You can have the biggest belly, hair growing out of your ears and nostrils, yellow teeth, visible sweat stains in your armpits and in places I didn’t know sweat stains were possible, and you think you’re ready to pose for GQ.

    I can go on, but it’s best that I stop here. I don’t want to make too many enemies. I’m hoping this short list may shine a little light on what women see and say. Gentleman, these little tips may come in handy in your quest to find and keep your gal interested and engaged. And remember, when you look in the mirror, and George Clooney is looking back, know that one of your greatest traits is your fantastic imagination!

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    Article by: Janice Haas

    Janice is the co-author of the humor book, "You Know You’ve Been A Stay-At- Home Mom Too Long When…" She continues to write humorous pieces and more recently, she has sold her short screenplay, "Trick or Treat." Look for the movie fall 2019! https://www.amazon.com/Know-Youve-Been-Stay-At-Home-Long/dp/1571663487

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