• You can spend a lifetime figuring out who you really are. As I approach my 60th birthday, I‘m finally closing in on the truth.  At the very least, I know who I’m not.

    An avid magazine and newspaper reader, I’ve noticed that the media loves to sum people up with just two words. Like “Internet billionaire.” Or “Famous chef.“  (Occasionally, the epithet-makers help themselves to three words: “Health-enforcing mayor,” anyone?)

    I recently began collecting some sobriquets that can never be used to describe me.  For good or ill, I’m never going to be a—

    Deranged genius

    Renowned adventurer  

    Disgraced cyclist  

    Superstar swimmer

    Serial sexter

    Afro-sporting son

    Legendary anchorman

    Pop icon

    Clueless banker

    Megawatt star 

    Doomed aviatrix 

    Urban gardener 

    Luv gov

    Adulterous multimillionaire 

    Florida socialite 

    Unrepentant rapist

    Republican megadonor

    YouTube pioneer, or  

    Blonde chanteuse

    Of course, when it comes to a few of these, I do come close.  For instance, Blonde Chanteuse. I am (with salon assistance) a blonde. And the toddlers who attend Storytime at the library where I work love my rendition of “The Itsy Bitsy Spider.”

    And while I’m not exactly a Superstar Swimmer, I’m still in the pool every day, executing my plodding but consistent breast stroke.

    Disgraced Cyclist? No thanks. I don’t need performance-enhancing drugs to enjoy a ride around the neighborhood on my one-speeder.

    The truth is that I’m happy with who I am: a Good Mom, a Retired Attorney, a Published Writer, and a Part-time Librarian.

    Although there’s still hope that, one of these days, “Lottery Winner,“ or even “Pulitzer-Winner,” might apply.

    Or perhaps I should just add “Incurable Optimist” to that list.

    What about you? If you could describe yourself to the world with just two words, what would they be?  Amazing Mom? Stellar Wit? Fantastic Lover?

    (Or, if you’re having a bad day, you might want to go with  “Exploited Wage-Slave,“ “Problem Drinker,“ or “Unhappy Homemaker.”)

    Go for it! Share your two words in the Comments Section below. Be as honest (or as delusional) as you want. Here’s your chance to establish yourself as a “Piccolo Virtuoso,” “Investment Whiz,” “Unsung Genius,” or  “World-Class Bodybuilder.”

    As for me, I’m going with “Sexy Librarian.”

    Copyright permission: Roz Warren   This article appeared in http://womensvoicesforchange.org

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    Article by: Roz Warren

    Roz Warren (www.Rosalindwarren.com) writes for the Funny Times, the New York Times, the Philadelphia Inquirer, the Christian Science Monitor, the Jewish Forward, Reader’s Digest and the Huffington Post. And she’s been on both the Today Show and Morning Edition. Roz is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: A COLLECTION OF LIBRARY HUMOR, which collects her most popular essays about library work.

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