Divorce: the word alone conjures dread in our hearts. No one wants to divorce. Couples commonly sacrifice their own well-being so as not to endure this sinister process. Granted, it’s painstaking to let go of someone who’s become part of your daily life. But in the long run, once your wounds are healed and you understand the greater reason, you will thank yourself for letting go of a person who brought more harm than good.
Consider these five pieces of advice to ease the process of separation and divorce, to rediscover endless and meaningful joys in your life as you recover.
1. Return to your authentic self.
A marriage or serious relationship molds us after our partner: we find ourselves doing certain things at a certain time just for them, such as cooking their favorite foods or buying items we know they’d like. In this normal need to please our partner, we lose a bit of our own selves. We may start to like the same things they like or do the same things they do simply because we get used to it. But when that person exits our lives, it takes a bit of readjusting to rediscover our real selves. Ask yourself, Who am I? What do I stand for? What do I love doing? So that your next relationship is positive and durable, detach yourself from your former marriage and return to your authentic self.
2. Become your own best friend.
Start doing things for yourself, by yourself. Right now, your biggest responsibility should be to strengthen and fulfill yourself. Do anything and everything that heals you and nurtures your soul, from taking spa days to peaceful walks among nature. If you were married, chances are you took care of another person for a long time. Now, it’s time to start taking care of yourself. Take advantage of the precious relationship you share with yourself.
3. Replace with productivity.
The best way to heal heartache is to distract yourself with positive actions. In this way, you will realize the immense effect your honest actions have on yourself, others, and the world. You will regain a sense of importance when you devote time both to yourself to achieve personal goals and to others to transform their lives. Now is the perfect time to take a leap of faith: start that new company you’ve been dreaming of or move to that new home you love. Volunteer anywhere you feel a calling: a shelter, a hospital, a center, etc. Push yourself out of your comfort zone a bit by trying new things. Join a new fitness or yoga class and meet amazing and different people. Now that you’re out of a relationship, your mindset is shifting. Make sure that it is also evolving.
4. Find your faith.
Many people think that they’re weak if they don’t know precisely where they’re going. In difficult moments, it’s okay to be lost. It’s perfectly fine to give yourself over to the universe and allow it to guide you divinely. Developing a strong sense of faith will lead you down the right path again in time. Say small prayers throughout the day, meditate in your spare time, and believe in the power of your intuition.
5. See beyond the moment.
Visualizations are life savers in moments of distress. Know that everything that happens to you happens for your highest good. It helps tremendously to close your eyes and envision a great outcome in your favor, regardless of your current circumstances. Perhaps you miss having a partner in your life. You can imagine meeting a wonderful new person who can finally give you everything you deserve.
There is life after divorce, and it can be an incredible one! Act on these five empowering tips to transition from pain to inner peace during your separation.
Dr. Carmen Harra
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