- Sit down and make three lists. First, must haves– go for the deep stuff, especially after 50. Please, no hair color specifications, c’mon. Can you TRUST him? Do you admire him? Do you respect him? Is he expressive, loving, in touch with his heart and spirituality? Second, make a separate list of nice to haves with this future partner. How do you act around him? What does he bring out in you? How do you FEEL around him? FINALLY, make this list: what would the woman who attracts a man like the one you’ve described have to be. And THAT is what you should focus on. Get yourself into a place where you are embodying the WOMAN that “ideal future mate” would do anything to marry. If you want to get the most amazing man you’ve ever met to fall in love with you – you have to create yourself, like a fictional character in a novel you’re writing, as the most amazing woman you’ve ever dreamed of being – then he’ll recognize you as his mate.
- Observe carefully – BEFORE the alcohol or the sex. Take note of four things specifically: 1. How much he do or doesn’t go out of his way for you (physically and emotionally). 2. Observe the way he speaks to his mother, sister or daughter (with reverence or disdain). 3. See if when you leave his company you feel more expanded than before meeting up with him. 4. Step back and witness how he interacts with you. If he wants you, he’ll come after you. Yes, it’s a little old school, but it’s a classic technique. And trust me, you don’t want to be running after someone for the rest of your life.
- Ask a lot of questions early on and BELIEVE him when he answers you. Don’t ignore the red flags. Make sure you’re “must-haves” are present BEFORE you have sex. Sex will release a ton of oxytocin – the bonding hormone – and get you addicted to anyone.
- Do you feel called into a higher version of yourself in his presence? That’s a great indicator. Ask a potential mate “How do you see me? What is your vision of me in the future?” How a man sees you, beholds you and envisions you in the future has a great influence on how you show up in your relationship and thus the world. You will bloom around the right man.
- Show up as your truest self – even if that means you go on a date with him and a few friends (something a little more casual). Collegiate? NO – it’s actually the fastest way of seeing how he really is around others, and not in the rigid interview-esque format of the one-on-one, in which two people audition for the greatest role of their life: husband or wife. That scenario just lends itself to acting. Connect with a human being, not a “future husband.” Be yourself – because that’s who you’ll be in a few months anyway, and you might as well choose someone who likes you for your real self now, instead of hiding and hiding and hiding until one day you become so exhausted you just can’t hide anymore – and you break up.
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